Good enough.

27 Sep

I just recently turned 49. Which translates to something bigger:  I’m in my 50th year of living. Even typing that feels a bit shocking, as I’m still somewhat sixteen years old on the inside.

The other day, on my yoga mat (where only good things happen) I saw my life in two distinct halves. (I’ve always held to some sort of belief that I will live to one hundred or slightly beyond). So the arithmetic says, I’m just starting the second half of my life. And then it hit me.

What if I could really get a second start at 50? What if it were just as if the slate were wiped clean, and along with it, stupid mistakes, big and small, were just – gone. And as I lay there and went with that, a sense of hope and excitement started to build. I can do better the second time around, I’m sure. Fairly humming with the thoughts of a clean slate in just under a year, I floated home.

And then, less than twenty-four hours later, I picked a stupid fight with only man I’ve ever loved over a text message that stimulated an old hurt. And I came crashing down, exhausted, thinking – I just can’t keep being periodically stupid for another fifty years. Sigh.

What gives the elderly – and clearly, those of us who are fifty, driving fun cars, riding motorcycles and still viewing life as a playground  do not count – that settled, amazing sense of knowing? I’m certain they all made many mistakes, poor decisions, and hurt those they love the most too many times to count. They sought after success in their careers, lived selfishly at times, didn’t give as much money away as they’d like, and forgot what was really important.

I know a couple of things. Wisdom doesn’t come from avoiding mistakes. It comes from learning from them. And perhaps the wise have realized that we are always going to have a certain ability to make poor decisions, and rather than beat ourselves up and try a little harder to not screw up, they have accepted that for whatever reason, this is how we are made.

But maybe, it’s more about acceptance. Acceptance that they – or we – are good enough. Mistakes and all, exhausted from trying to hit perfect, or even really good – they accept that they are good enough, thank you. And if I am good enough – then you, and everyone I meet – are good enough.

True freedom from guilt, striving and remorse for me and you? No need to judge, criticize and expose each other’s weaknesses? Maybe that’s what I see in the faces of the elderly. Because it radiates from them and it says to everyone else they meet – stop striving to be perfect. You are good enough.

Ten months to let this cement into knowing. I’ll keep you posted.

I borrowed this photo from here: https://www.facebook.com/MarcAlanSchelske Thanks, Marc, for posting this today. Perfect timing.

8 Responses to “Good enough.”

  1. Emily North September 27, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    Thanks, Lynne! Such good thoughts. Only good things do happen in yoga–I’ve had a similar experience. When I turned 49 I didn’t even let myself think about turning 50 but now I am and thinking I’ll be doing 50 sun salutations on my birthday. When I live “I am good enough” and can see others through “You are good enough eyes” everything goes better.

    • Lynne King Smith September 27, 2012 at 11:17 pm #

      Thanks! I hope that people don’t miss the point of it extends beyond you to everyone you meet or interact with, which is the whole purpose in the first place. Maybe that’s why Jesus (and Ghandi, Mary Theresa, et al) exuded such an acceptance. Hard to imagine them going around bemoaning their mistakes and beating themselves up like we do…hmmmm

  2. Jay September 28, 2012 at 2:01 am #

    And Lynne, I realize this isn’t for everybody, but those who truly know the acceptance and love of God in Christ have a concept of being “good enough” that almost transcends understanding. On the one hand, we know we aren’t good enough…on the other hand, we know that we are made good enough through the love of God.
    We’ve made that a lot more complicated by putting a lot of theology and ideology in there. But I think that generally, the older we get, the more we have an appreciation for what you are now finding out.
    Wisdom beyond your years, dear. Thanks.

    • Lynne King Smith September 28, 2012 at 4:20 am #

      Agreed! Except, I don’t know, my years are up there! :)

  3. Russ The Realtor September 28, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I don’t believe it. you can’t be 49 Make it a remarkable life!

    Russ The Realtor Russ Hickman Realty Executives 1400 E. Southern Ave #100 Tempe Az 85282 6023396233 russ@russtherealtor.com http://www.russtherealtor.com

    • Lynne King Smith September 28, 2012 at 3:45 pm #

      I’m the new 50?

      • Tomohito Tsutsumishita December 21, 2012 at 11:59 pm #

        You can’t be 50. You don’t look a day over 35.
        Good to see you are doing well.
        Tomohito Tsutsumishita (jeff)

  4. Teresa Cleveland Wendel September 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    It’s so exhausting trying to be perfect. I gave up long ago.

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